Daily Joke: Whenever I pass someone who is texting and driving, I throw my beer at their window.

Daily Joke: Phones are getting thinner and smarter. People? Not so much.

Daily Joke: I’m great at multitasking: I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

Daily Joke: A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.

Daily Joke: If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Daily Joke: What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.

Daily Joke: Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.

Daily Joke: Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.