Daily Joke: This bloke said to me: ‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar.’ I said: ‘Is that a fret?’

Daily Joke: I have a lot of growing up to do; I realised that the other day inside my fort.

Daily Joke: I was a bookkeeper for 10 years … the local library wasn’t too happy about it.

Daily Joke: I tried drag-racing the other day; it’s murder trying to run in those heels.

Daily Joke: My friend’s in prison for flashing; he says he can’t bare it anymore.

Daily Joke: I asked my friend a question while he was eating an orange, but all I got was a pithy response.

Daily Joke: Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

Daily Joke: Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize!