Daily Joke: Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app, and it just sent an ambulance to my house.

Daily Joke: Before I criticise a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when I do criticise him, I’m a mile away and I have his shoes.

Daily Joke: You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That’s your common sense leaving your body.

Daily Joke: I’m addicted to brake fluid, but I can stop whenever I want.

Daily Joke: How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate the pizza before it was cool.

Daily Joke: This is my step-ladder. I never knew my real ladder.

Daily Joke: What do you call a dog that does magic tricks? A labracadabrador.

Daily Joke: What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.