Daily Joke: It’s so hot outside, I almost asked my ex to come over so that I could be around something shady.

Daily Joke: I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road-worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

Daily Joke: My wife and I always compromise – I admit I’m wrong, and she agrees with me.

Daily Joke: If time is money, are ATMs time-machines?

Daily Joke: My ex wrote to me: ‘Can you delete my number? I responded: ‘Who is this?’

Daily Joke: My favourite mythical creature? The honest politician.

Daily Joke: I can totally keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t.

Daily Joke: Relationships are a lot like algebra – have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?